mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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