So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize