Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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