i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize