I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
