Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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