oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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