but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
