All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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