Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
