bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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