If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
