He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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