Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
