The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
