talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
