I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
