i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
