I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize