hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
