hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
