I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
