I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
