Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
