this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
