y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have aggressive nipples.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
