I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize