Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
