Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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