I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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