yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
