I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
