I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
