A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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