the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
