I puked a lego.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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