I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
