It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
