I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i think i have two assholes
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
