but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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