If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
