Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You made out with two different species that night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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