I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
