my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
