yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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