His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
