I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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