the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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