i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
