I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm passing your future prison.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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