so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
