I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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