you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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