am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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