I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Send help, water and tortillas.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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