a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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