the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
