wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
