you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
