I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
