Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
you made out with another girl for some wings
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
