next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
