Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think my tv is drunk
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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