you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
