yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
