Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
