I think I won the penis lottery.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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