He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My penis needs a shock collar
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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