So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
