Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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