dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
