Hey man sorry I got all grabby
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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