Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
