the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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